this isn't a competition. you always frown because i can't remember what i was wearing that time you told me you liked me at that party, and i can't quite place the first time we met at all. i don't know the date of our first date without really thinking about it, and i have no clue what number argument we're due for next. the finer details of our relationship may have somehow escaped me, but i think i caught the gist of the whole thing: it's okay. it's still working.

tell me what i was and how things were before this. two very important people told me to absorb this album and these words and these melodies into my bloodstream. it is a part of me now and i have never been more grateful. (i only wish you would take my recommendations as seriously. you are the best parts of all the songs i love.)

It might not seem like an adventure right now but when you look back, you'll see.

You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don’t be an idiot. 'Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to get you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the street, I know you look both ways.

House.

walk out into velvet,
nothing more to say,
you're my favourite moment,
you're my saturday.

how haven't you realised that i've been in love with you since i was fourteen? how much more obvious do i need to be?
i need you so much closer, come on, come on.

i know you better
than you want me to,
inside your pockets
and walking in your shoes.

i like days where you just feel in love with no one in particular, or one or many things and people all at once, or things that just happen to have crossed your path, or just being. i like when someone else's love makes you feel happy about your own loneliness, and reassured about the way things are and how they're going to be. i like when something good happens and it sets off a chain of events that are new and better. i like when you read some words and they make your breath hitch, because you just weren't prepared for the smile that follows. i like when you can't express how something makes you feel. i like when people do things you have been hoping and wishing they would for a long time, no matter how little and insignificant, and it feels even more than you expected it would. i like when it seems like someone's actually listening, and when you can cross your fingers and scrunch up your eyes and pray for the future.

grasping. reaching out. feel the burn as you stretch your fingers. read. write: this is my truth, now show me yours so i can copy it too. absorb. watch the fine line between friends and enemies fading. autumn. change. remembering. i still wish i was in the summer city with the red leaves and roofs and i think i always will. this is what i see when i close my eyes and i'm lying to a lot of people who think i'm worth more than that. say it again and again. right now we're here and we can't escape. pretend you can pick and choose. i think i know you would if you could and i hope you know i would if i could too.

at least tell me you're reading.

i think i have a compulsive lying disorder. but only to my best friends, and only because i'm so fucking selfish.

sing me something soft, sad and delicate,
or loud and out of key,
sing me anything.

we glad for what we've got,
done with what we've lost,
our whole lives are laid out right in front of us.

sing like you think no one's listening
you would kill for this, just a little bit, you would.

play it againagainagain.

FRIENDS ONLY.

maybe i'm paranoid, maybe i just don't trust people enough, maybe i'm overreacting, but this is going friends only now.

add me, it's no big deal. unless i actually know you. in which case, get out, kid.